Things are begining to heat up and I just couldn't find enough time to read all my emails. Some of them  dated as far back as January this year!

Nonetheless, as I was clearing up my mailbox, this humour write-up I found tickles my funny bone! Let me share with you some laughter, and don't forget to smile... at least :-)

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONEL ADS

40-ish   -   49
Adventurous  - Slept with everyone
Atheletic  -  No tits 
Average looking  - Ugly 
Beautiful  - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills 
Emotionally secure - On medication 
Feminist  - Fat
Free spirit  - Junkie 
Friendship first  - Former very *friendly* person
Fun   - Annoying 
New Age   - Body hair in the wrong places 
Open-minded   - Desperate 
Outgoing  - Loud and Embarassing
Passionate  - Sloppy drunk
Professional   - Bitch 
Voluptuous  - Very Fat 
Large Frame  - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul Mate  - Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

Yes    =  No
No   = Yes 
Maybe   = No
We need   = I want
I am sorry  = you'll be sorry
We need to talk  = You're in trouble
Sure, go ahead  = You better not
Do what you want = You will pay for this later
I am not upset  = Of course I am upset, you moron!
You're very attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

I am hungry  = I am hungry
I am sleepy  = I am sleepy
I am tired  = I am tired
Nice dress  = Nice cleavage
I love you   = Let's have sex now
I am bored  = Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner = I'd like to have sex with you
Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay!

Finally...

A recent scientific study found that womenfind different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating she prefers a man with rugged, masculine features. However, when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his arse!

ps : Today, I begin to understand new meanings to some familiar words.